Hi, Mom…it’s been a while. Easter and Independence Day were tough without you here. Your Grandchildren are doing well, they can be a handful at times, but I know you already know that.
I have a question for you. Are you proud of me? I know that I’ve made you proud at times, but are you proud of the man I’ve become? I never asked you that when you were here, and now that you’re in a better place, I just want to know if I’m doing everything you’d expect me to do. Your approval has always been important to me. I know you always wanted approval from your father, but he was never there for you…I don’t ever want to become that type of man. You were so important to me. What you accomplished with all of your children is a miracle. You were ALWAYS there for us.
I’m trying to be the best husband and father I can be. When you were here, it was much easier for me because you had all of the answers. I know that comes with age and wisdom, but I’ve only became the man that I should be 2 years ago when I got clean. I’m doing my best, but sometimes I feel that’s not good enough. I always want to do more to make my family happy.
I’m starting a new chapter in my life very soon and I want to make every right decision for them, not for me. I pray every single day that I progress and make the right decisions for my 4 beautiful children. My wife is a spitting image of you, which is a blessing in itself.
Please watch over me, and give me a little nudge if I’m not doing the right things. I want to make you proud of who I am, and not what I’ve accomplished. You have made a lasting impression on my soul, I hope that I can do the same for my children, and I know that if I do that, you WILL be proud of me. That’s what matters.
I Love You Mommy.